What’s Your Name Again?

As a teacher, I try very hard to learn all of my student’s names as quickly as possible. It is why I spend the first three days of school getting to know my students and repeatedly saying their names out loud. Even after that, I will blank on some of their names occasionally; however, I will remember that they have a cat, that they play hockey, and that their favorite candy is sour Skittles. I simply cannot remember their name. Even years later, when I encounter a former student, I will remember where they sat in my class, and tiny details about things they did in school, but not their name.

The funny thing is, whenever I cannot remember a student’s name, I feel so embarrassed, I won’t ask them what their name is. Maybe it’s because they remember my name, but I don’t remember theirs. Maybe it’s because I’m worried they will think that I didn’t/don’t care about them, even though I did and still do. And yet, the few times where I have admitted, “I’m sorry, I am terrible with names. What’s your name again?” The person I was talking to is always very gracious, smiles, and tells me their name. Then it all comes flooding back, and we have a wonderful conversation. And when the tables are turned and someone asks me to remind them of my name, I am not offended or upset, I simply tell them my name and we continue talking.

So why are we so reluctant to ask each other our names when we forget? Perhaps it is simply a pride issue, and we don’t want to admit that we forgot. But if we realize that all people forget names and that no one is upset when it comes to repeating their name, then can we normalize the idea of asking a person their name even though we have asked them before, or we see them and speak to them every day? If we normalize asking a person their name upon the third, fourth, or even fifth meeting, then maybe we can eliminate the fear of asking or looking foolish.

So, if I ever meet you and then later I ask, “What’s your name again?” know that I do care about you, I do enjoy speaking to you, I do remember many nuances about you, I simply don’t remember your name. But the fact that I am asking you what your name is again, should be taken as a sign that I am choosing to set aside my pride, embracing the embarrassment, and taking the risk that you will show grace because learning your name is worth it.